(Source: thisguysgotaheart)
(Source: lizettecalle)
oh, i dont even know where to start. well first i’m going to say if you don’t like to hear people bitch about things, don’t read this. but i need to vent right now & this is going to be long..
well i’m super stressed out because this month is super crazy! last weekend wasn’t too bad because it was my uncle’s wedding and i got to relax on the beach all weekend and shop<3 however, i did get sunburned bad and had to rush home sunday for dance 6-9. this weekend is my dance recital and last week of school. & i am very sad to say that my last wednesday dance class ended an hour ago. anyways tho, friday is my last full day of school, but then i have to stay there because that is where our dance rehersal is so sadly i will be at my school from 8am until 8 or 9pm .. ugh. & saturday will be my very last recital :( then i have one final exam to take on monday so i will have to go into school just to take that and leave. then it’s back to dance monday and tuesday night since competition is next weekend! so i will be away may 24-27 at competition. i really don’t know what i am going to do without dance, it’s been a part of my life since i was 3 and it’s the only thing that makes me who i am..
so after all this dance stuff is over, all that stress is gone but i still have graduation practice may 30th and graduation june 1st to get through. then just LCCC placement testing on the 11th and classes to schedule. after that i’m hoping to enjoy my summer as much as i can! there will tons of graduation parties to look forward to including mine on the 16th! the only thing that is going to suck is working 11pm-7am.. and right now things with work suck because i either stress about working or i don’t work and then stress about having no money so it’s a lose, lose situation.. ugh.
on another note though, i’d like to vent about my anger/depression with my boyfriend situation…
well there’s this girl.. and she happens to be the only girl i despise. i haven’t liked her since the first day i met her. maybe it was the nasty looks or the attitude she gave me but idk. she has pretty much tried to get with everyone of my friends, including my ex (well kind of ex). reguardless though, she never showed interest in my boyfriend until we started dating. then she runs to my friends saying how she’s going to “be the bigger person” and break us up because he deserves better than me.. like how does breaking people up make you “a bigger person” and what makes her so much better than me? because honestly, i’ll be blunt.. she’s a whore. anyways, that’s not even what’s bothering me. what’s eating away at me is that my boyfriend has lied to me in the past, something small and stupid but i will always remember it. that had caused my trust for him to drop and he was well aware of that. my trust is hard to gain to begin with. i don’t believe it is something to just be handed out. well just a few days ago he told me how he started this band and she is in it. no big deal right? well you wouldn’t think so but it kinda is. the thing that made it a big deal to me is that he kept it from me for a week and he didn’t see me until late last night because he had to take her home. it really just upset me that he didn’t tell me right away. & honestly just the thought of her sitting alone with him in his car makes me wanna cry. i actually teared up in school thinking about it.. and what kills me even more is that i trust him, but i also know he is a flirt, even if he doesn’t mean to or realize it, he does it.. and she’s the same way. on my part of it though, i feel terrible because i read through their text messages. i have never taken a boyfriend’s phone before, or anyones at all actually.. and i know that pissed him off. i let my jealousy get the best of me.. guess that’s what happens when you care about someone so much.
i believe him when he says he loves me, but i just don’t want to relive my past. i’m beyond tired of getting hurt over and over again. i really do love him and i am just so afraid to lose something so good. i wish my brain had an off switch because that would make life so much easier. but it doesn’t and all i keep thinking is that he is going to think she is better (no matter how many times he says she’s not and that he hates her).. & i don’t want to be left again because there’s someone better. i understand that there is always going to be someone better, because i’m far from perfect.. but i just feel like i’m never good enough. & i want to believe that he loves me for me and everything but it’s so hard when you feel like your not good enough all the time.. i don’t talk about my feelings (that’s why i blog), i don’t act girly and dress nice to see him, and he says i never do anything for him.. and it really just upsets me and makes me feel like a terrible girlfriend. i don’t want to control what he does. i want him to go out & have friends.. i’m not that kind of girlfriend. another thing that i hate is that he would always try to get me to play an instrument or sing, but it’s just not who i am.. i can’t change for anyone. you like me or you don’t it’s that simple. but that’s another thing this girl has on me.. more reason for him to like her instead. i’m not musically inclined. my thing is dance, it’s all i had since i was 3.. it’s the only place i can go to feel like i belong. that’s my relation to music.. not playing/making the music.
anyways, i’m done. i don’t want to think about this anymore. it’s exhausting and depressing. i want to go back to thinking about what my boyfriend got me for my birthday next week.. not about losing him. at least thinking about that just pisses me off some and gives me anxiety because i’m impatient and i hate surprizes! haha
this is all an internal battle.. i guess i really am my own worst enemy. & in the midst of all this i’m still helping all my other friends through their problems because i believe in putting mine aside to make other people feel better. it’s one of the only that makes me feel like i’m worth something.
but i need rest for the next two weekends..
goodnight fellow followers xoxo
sorry about my long rant on your dashboard.
jgh 3|25 <3
- parasailing
- subadive
- have sex on a boat
- party on a yaht
- travel the world
- recieve rainbow roses
- write a book
- spend christmas on the beach drinking pina coladas
- go up in a hot air balloon
- go zip lining through the amazon
- swim with dolphins
- have sex under the stars
- wind surfing
- have my own dressing room
- have a real life love story
- go on a safari
- find a sharks tooth
- quad in the dunes
- let go of a floating lantern
- send a message in a bottle
- catch a jar of lightning bugs
- jet ski
- have a candle- lit bath
- sing ocean avenue while driving on ocean avenue
- see the northern lights
- visit a jungle
- swim under a waterfall
- let go of 100 balloons at one time
- live in a cottage
- go on a no-budget shopping spree
- have an indoor pool
- have sex with a ginger
- get a makeover
- attend a frat party
- street race
- go on a moonlit picnik
- kiss underwater
- get a white ink tattoo
- recieve something from tiffany & co.
- live in an apartment with my best friend
- drive on route 66
- have a bonfire on the beach
- shop at west edmonton mall
- sleep in a truck bed under the stars with dozens of blankets & pillows
my boyfriend > your boyfriend.
I would rather blog about things than talk about them..
Lately I am so stressed out & it is over the dumbest and smallest things ever but it’s all adding up. I only have 23 days left of school and I can’t take it, I absolutely can’t stand school. I have so much I need to do and no time. Everyday it’s school, school, school, work, work, work, and more school. I am up at 6am everyday and I’m wearing myself down. Dance competition is coming up so there are so many practices that I also have to fit into my schedule.. Since I have practice, I can’t work and that means no money. I barely get hours, and I’m not sure if I want more so I can have money or if I want to take advantage of possibly making time for other things. My car has a dent in it that needs to be fixed and I might need money for that. I finally applied and was accepted to a college, however, I now need to worry about setting up an appointment to take placement tests. I need to find time to go to the eye doctor because my vision sucks lately.. I also really wish I had time to work out and tan because I revieved my new bathing suit from Victoria Secret’s, and I felt so gross when I put it on. I am extremely self concious..
Today itself was just a diaster. It started off with me waking up late and being late for school once again so now I will most likely be getting suspended. I burnt my finger on my straightner and the blister is killing me. I have a bruised spine from dance. I thought I was only working until 8 and then got asked to stay until 11. Everything has been irritating me so I went and punched a wall & now have sore knuckles. I am about 99.9% sure that I need anger management but then I will have to fit that into my schedule.. & I’m also 99.9% sure that will just make it worse. I don’t think I will take well to someone trying to tell me what to do and to calm down. That will only piss me off more.. & now my boyfriend is not going to see me tomorrow so I will have to wait even longer to see him when he is really the only person I care to be around when I feel like this. ugh.
Ohhhh, & the penguins lost to the flyers twice in a row now and it really pisses me off… like the world really is ending. hahaha
But seriously I have something to do every weekend and no time for myself. My next 2 months consist of dance and work every weekend. My brother’s birthday party, my uncle’s wedding ( which I am missing prom for ), my dance recital, dance competition, & graduation. Ohhh & my birthday falls in there somewhere..
Well I am definitley missing so much more but it is late and I should get some rest for my busy day tomorrow. I am very sorry to all my followers for my bitching about absolutley nothing .. goodnight.
love these<333
(Source: staypozitive)
